The Risks In Dating A Married Man

Generally speaking, women do not set out to become involved with a married or otherwise involved man. But many do find themselves attached to a man who has either been deceptive about his martial ties or portrays his marriage as being 'on the rocks'. It is interesting to note that this type of dangerous liason involves some of the brightest, most confident and successful women. In most cases his marriage is kept well hidden until attachments have been formed, yet on discovering that the man is involved elsewhere, the woman will seldom give up her own attachment to him, ignoring the fact that she has been deceived until now, believing only that this guy will eventually be free of his current situation and available to focus on her alone. This belief is fraught with danger and will rarely produce the results she needs.

The agendas in both parties are different in many ways and that alone will eventually scupper all hope of happiness. For example for him the relationship provides an enjoyable escape and he will lie to her, telling her whatever she wants to hear in an effort to keep it alive, whereas to her the relationship represents a future with him alone. However there are many reasons why she will not give it up and unfortunately common sense is not part of the equation. Her determination to win him for herself takes over, and her pride will not allow her to be treated as second best to another woman. Those men who appear to have made a successful life for themselves claiming that the marital problem has been caused by their wives may also come across as appealing. The woman might be inclined to think that if she were in the wives place, the relationship would be more successful. This belief is often reinforced by his promise of an impending divorce.

Though actively pursuing a relationship with a married man might not appear to be that dangerous on the surface, the emotional impulses which drive such actions, almost certainly can be. Insecure woman who have experienced a loss of confidence may attach themselves to anyone who may help them to regain their sense of values. This will often produce co-dependent relationships and almost always end badly.

Because the majority of these relationships are based on physical interaction, both parties involved may become confused with love and lust, and the woman will typically assume that if the man is attracted to her, then he must also care for her. Once the truth behind the relationship is revealed the results can be devastating to a person's emotional being. For some the motivation of such an attraction lies simply in the somewhat taboo aspect of the interaction. This particular kind of thought process may even make the most repulsive person appear to be quite attractive and once had, often completely disposable. This logic is often the product of an individual who is unstable in their life and will in a great deal of cases produce a series of unfulfilled relationships and finally, as in the case of other types of unhealthy addictions, result in a breakdown.

Apart from the obvious risk of breaking up a home, there are several other morally offensive elements to such a union. The pathetic line "he is going to leave his wife," will often create trust issues for current and future relationships and this is just the tip of the iceberg. The relationship may also produce psychological problems such as low self-esteem, withdrawn behavoir (caused by the inability to share romantic experiences with others), uncommon mistrust of friends, self doubt, guilt complex, jealousy, depression, eating disorders and the inability to start a new and healthy relationship. Though there are obviously many men and women who may enjoy such a relationship without appearing to suffer any consequences one has to question their motivation. If the individual wishes to be rid of all romantic ties, for example if the marriage has grown stale, or has altered in time, then why continue in it?

In certain instances of infidelity, a spouse may feel obligated to continue in the marriage for the benefit of their children, thereby protecting them from the upset of divorce. Religious views also may prevent bringing the relationship to a close. These are just a couple of examples of the complexity of infidelity, yet they underline why the risks of failure is still extremely high. Obviously when it comes to matters of the heart, outsiders can see more clearly than those involved. Yet only the pair can decide what feels right in their lives. Rather than be judged by any social standard they need to at very least be willing to look at the situation honestly. After doing so, if they can still be certain of their own future happiness together, then who can truly say what is best for them? However there are still those that appreciate that a journey is doomed to failure yet will still tread the road..

Where romance is concerned, none of us have all the answers. There are many marriages that stay intact even though one or both partners are unfaithful, and they have learned to live with the situation. But it's not what either partner dreamed of when the union was formed. Life is too short to waste valuable time on a relationship you are in for all the wrong reasons. After a closer, honest look you might decide it is time to break away and find your romance elsewhere. Your future happiness is at stake here, and your course of action will decide whether or not your dreams become reality..

Article Source: http://articles.safer-online-dating-services.com

Trevor Taylor reflects on his experiences in the Online Dating arena.
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